I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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