somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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