No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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