Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
