i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
