Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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