the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
