just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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