Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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