Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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