I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
