I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
