my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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