what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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