K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he thought i was a dude.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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