i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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