im six kinds of drunk right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
