he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
