I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
