R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
