in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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