How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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