Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
