2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
