mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
