Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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