I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got inside last night via doggy door
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
