Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
