Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
