do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
