He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
