we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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