Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
