You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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