so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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