Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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