I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
