I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
