You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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