My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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