the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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