Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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