you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
