I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize