It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
