So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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