Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
