I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
