Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
