I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
