It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
