Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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