is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Even my vagina gasped.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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