She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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