Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
