Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize