Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
