I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
