My hand turned me down
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
