dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
