Barsexuality is the new black.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
