i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
