6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
