I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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