btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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