I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
