I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize