Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
