You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
