hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
