Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
