Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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