What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
