No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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